Hey everyone,

Despite my best laid plans, this first month of 2019 has not seen me on tumblr all that much. I even missed recommendation day this month. But I want to share why this is, because speaking up about it is important for everyone, especially others who find themselves in similar situations. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll have seen me talk about this already, but this is my Official Tumblr Post™. 

On January 11th, 2019, I escaped an abusive home.

Some of you may remember that I was living with my brother, and yes, I am referring to that home. My brother became emotionally abusive, and he likely was so for much longer than I was aware of it. Beginning last summer, shortly after we moved to a new apartment, it started to get worse and worse until it hit crisis level. Over the course of several months, he didn’t help me when I had to go to the emergency room (twice) and put lots of energy into gaslighting me, ignoring me, mocking me, shouting at me, and otherwise turning my home into a place I no longer wanted to be. My cats were scared of him and began to lose weight. I could never keep the apartment clean because he did nothing to help. Also, it became clear that it was negatively affecting my physical health as well. This week, I was diagnosed with Essential Tremor, and the intensity of the stress the abuse put me under increased the severity of my tremors and ataxia symptoms. 

The worst part? My parents didn’t believe me.

They still don’t.

I tried to tell my mother what was happening at Christmas, and she only screamed at me for causing drama and daring to act like an abused person. It was shortly after this that I realized I could not stay in that environment. 

The week I decided to sign a new lease and begin the moving process was probably one of the worst weeks of my life. My parents called me to demand why I was betraying my brother by leaving the lease four months early. They tried to force me to stay. I realized that this meant I should leave sooner, but it was also the first week of the semester, so I only had a few hours here and there to pack. Some of these hours were swallowed up by my brother sobbing and shouting at me, turning red and physically frightening. The next night he tried the “good cop” approach, which was just as abusive but far subtler. I was absolutely convinced that my parents wouldn’t speak to me anymore if I made this decision, but I knew I had to. 

I had to find a way to cope with the fact that I was going to lose my entire family because my mom is just as abusive and my dad is completely tied around her finger. I’m fortunate that this did not happen, as my mother decided to apologize for blaming me, but only after she talked to my brother. I’m still furious that it was easier for them to believe I was a backstabbing, selfish social climber than that I had an incredibly real reason for doing it. 

I had to pay my brother $1200 to appease the family. This is on top of the $400 or so dollars it cost to move into the apartment. I had received some inheritance money, but I’m still scrambling to pay for all of the extra costs that came along with moving. All of this, on top of starting a new, extremely busy semester. 

I’ve been in my new place for a week now, and it’s so, so wonderful. I live with my best friend who is a responsible adult who doesn’t whine about basic things like chores and with whom I happily cook meals every day. I have my cats, who are already so much happier. I’m starting to get my feet under me for this semester. I still need to work my ass off to earn the money I need to get back on track, but in the interest of that, I’m trying to focus on my Patreon, for which I have many exciting plans this year. 

If you enjoy my work, my writing, and this blog, I would so appreciate it if you considered becoming my patron. I have tiers anywhere from $1-$20 a month, so it should fit in to most budgets. Anything helps–next week I’ll be working 30 hours on my side job on top of the 40+ hours I usually put into grad school. Basically, my life is work, eat, sleep. I want so much to have the time to blog and continue to interact with all of you, but realistically I have to put things that don’t pay the bills on the back burner. If I can build my patron base, I won’t have to put in so many extra hours, and this will allow me more time to write and provide content for all of you. 

I appreciate all of you for sticking with me over the past few months even though I’ve struggled to engage. I have high hopes that being away from my abuser(s) and being low-contact with my family will help me recover and regain the time and energy to do what I love with more regularity. 

Here’s to a new and better 2019.